Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
