We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
