i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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