forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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