Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
