My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
