its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
