I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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