i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
