she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
