What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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