I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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