I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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