I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The best revenge is premature balding
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
