she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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