I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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