i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
