She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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