white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
