Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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