the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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