It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
