why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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