my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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