I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
