How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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