she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
