Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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