I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
