I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
