i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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