ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
