Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
