Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Found the puke drawer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
