A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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