It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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