are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
