Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
