every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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