Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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