just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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