i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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