Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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