I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
