i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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