Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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