I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So many bounce houses so little time
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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