wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
