I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
