rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I didn't notice because vodka
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize