Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
