he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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