Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
