my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
