I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
