I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize