So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
