There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
