just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize