I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
