I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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