OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
