I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
