I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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