you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
