lets start a swedish sibling band together
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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