I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
