i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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