I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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