whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
