i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
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I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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It's official drugs can't kill me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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