just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
