I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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