It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
