She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
