i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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