So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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