This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
